Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
