I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
