I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
