the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
