There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am naked and annoyed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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