Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just pee around me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
