I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
