She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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