My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.