got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize