If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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