Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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