Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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