OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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