I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
