I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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