that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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