Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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