my being single is dangerous.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
