We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize