I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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