i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
