How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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