i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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