the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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