Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
