He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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