You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
