I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
