Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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