Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
