They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
