im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize