Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
