I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
