The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
