but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize