Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize