well I can't set my house on fire every night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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