Got a toothbrush?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
