ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
