I should be sponsored by Trojan
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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