Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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