i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
