Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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