I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
