I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
