You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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