He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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