Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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