His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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