That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She bit a glass in half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
