We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
