4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
