for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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