i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't put those talents on a resume
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
