He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
