Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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