I just pynch a tree in the face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
