I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
