My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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