The best revenge is premature balding
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
