there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
