i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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